When I consulted my handy thesaurus for a synonym for waffle [verb (instrans): To fail to make up one’s mind: Joseph had been waffling over where to go.], it told me waver, vacillate, equivocate, sit on the fence: Faced with this commitment, she waffled.
Truth be told, I’m sitting here on the fence equivocating and feeling very wafflish, a dash wavery, and more than a little bit vacillatory over the question of the Loppet skijor race this weekend. Things are about as low pressure as they can get… we’re signed up for the shortest run in the most novice class with the last start. Having said that, I am having some anxiety mostly related to:
1. It is something new, and therefore by definition scary.
2. Squash and I are signed up alone (limited to one dog in our class), and due to weather conditions we’ve barely been able to skijor at all so far this year, let alone practice with just he and I together nearly enough.
3. Due to weather, every single skijor club meetup we signed up for got cancelled, so we haven’t practiced around other teams AT ALL.
4. I am not worried that Squash is going to start a fight or anything, but I am worried he will either be overwhelmed and stressed or be a giant doofus and not listen to me and suck at passing and being passed and end up interfering with other teams. I don’t want to ruin anyone else’s fun because my dog thinks the rest of the entire world exists to worship his inherent amazingness or because he’s freaked out by the presence of so many other dogs who think THEY are inherently amazeballs existing in one space at one time. .
ON THE OTHER HAND…
1. There are likely to be a lot of other first-timers there who have the same worries I do.
2. We aren’t signed up in a class that is even remotely seriously competitive. I’m not going to ruin anyone’s career, here.
3. With all the teams running the same way, it is likely he will want to run that way, too. At least he shouldn’t be pulling me off the trail, right? RIGHT?
4. If we suck, unless we suck so badly as to hurt ourselves or someone else, so what? SO WHAT. I’m waaay too old to worry about looking stupid anymore.
So for now, unless the weather is hideous (which it’s not supposed to be) I am still planning to go. The worst that is likely to happen is that we have to quit the course and walk back to the car because his brain temporarily overloaded. And honestly, I’m going to have to walk back to the car anyway, so I might as well give my boy a chance to shine.